Wow, that was quick. You were apparently very motivated to get here.
Welcome to my womb, Chicken Fry.
I was not expecting you so soon. I guess I’m just so inundated with information about infertility and couples who struggle to conceive, that I didn’t expect to have so much success…on pretty much the first try. Nana was right though—apparently my fertile stock is not something to underestimate. Nor is your agility for that matter.
Last week I felt really run down—almost like I was about to get sick. By about last Thursday I started to feel some cramping, and took that as a sign that you would not likely be making an appearance this month. So on Friday we went out with some friends and I tried to just forget about it.
Not being the most patient of people though, I still decided to take a pregnancy test on Saturday morning, despite that it was too early to test. I wasn't surprised at all when it came out negative. I chose not to tell your dad because I knew it would make him sort of sad. Plus, somewhere in the very dark recesses of my mind, I kind of wondered…
On Sunday your dad ran a half-marathon in Newport, R.I. He did great and finished in less than two hours. When we got home that afternoon I took another pregnancy test, which still came out negative. Once again I chose not to tell your dad because it was still early, and there was also this part of me that knew my body felt different than how it normally would that time of the month. I still had cramping, but a different kind of cramping.
On Monday I took another pregnancy test at work. It was still early to test, but I had pretty much resolved to just test each day until I knew for sure. Low and behold, there was a very faint line. Faint as it was, it was still very definitely a line. So I ran to CVS and bought another pregnancy test (turns out taking repeated pregnancy tests is hard on the budget, so I thank you for not making me do that much more). Sure enough, the second test also revealed a very faint line. So I googled “faint line” as much as humanly possible, and every website I came across stated that a line is a line is a line—and that I was pregnant!
I put both urine soaked tests in my top drawer and checked them no less than 20 times in a single hour to verify that the line was still there.
Now, I've always imagined how I would tell your dad the good news. The only thing I've ever known for sure is that I would probably find out I was pregnant at work. I used to fantasize about taking Dad out to dinner after work to some cozy little restaurant on Beacon Hill, and then handing him a Red Sox bib or something to that effect as a way of saying “surprise, you pollinated me.” But it was really naïve of me to think that I could ever sit on a secret this big for a whopping 10 hours before dinner.
I’m just impressed I didn’t spill the beans via text message.
I called your dad at work and asked if he’d be interested in getting some burritos with me downtown for lunch. Periodically we meet for lunch, so it wasn’t that out of the ordinary for him. We met at my work and walked down to Boloco Burrito in Downtown Crossing. We ordered our food and sat down to eat. I said “you’re probably wondering why I asked you here today.” Dad just kind of stared at me, probably thinking “because you love burritos?” Then I said “I’m pregnant.”
Dad was speechless. He laughed nervously, and then his eyes welled up with tears. And then he took a bite of his burrito.
The next thing he asked was how we could make sure you would be smart. I informed him that from everything I read, walnuts were our best bet.
Then we discussed you and our life and our future and our finances for the next hour, before we had to go back to work.
It’s strange…after all of this build-up, I don’t feel like I how I thought I would feel. Truthfully I don’t really feel like you’re real, so I don’t know how to feel. Of course I’m excited and anxious and happy, but I’m also nervous, and apprehensive, and even a little bit in denial about the whole thing. Like I said…I didn’t think you’d come so soon.
My body however, seems to be abundantly aware that you have nestled your way in. I’m pretty tired, and have fallen asleep about an hour earlier each night since I found out. In fact, I’m typing this during my dangerous time—after 2:00 PM, and thus all I want is to curl up beneath my desk and take a long nap. My chest is sore, my lower back aches, I still have some minor cramping, and a headache 24/7. This morning I woke up with a cold sore which, come to find out, is a symptom of early pregnancy resulting from a lowered immune system. And we’re only at 4 weeks, so I’m worried I have a tough road to hoe for the next 8 months.
Please go easy on your mother from here on out.
We haven’t decided when to tell grandparents and aunts and uncles yet. We’ve decided to take another pregnancy test on Friday (tomorrow). I don’t really know why we need to do this, but I do think we’re looking for more ways to feel like this is happening—and maybe a darker line will be that clue. If it’s still positive then I’ll make a doctor’s appointment. Telling people this weekend seems too soon…so maybe the weekend after that. I hate that we will have to tell family over the phone. Hopefully we’ll at least be able to get a hold them on Face Time or Google Chat. I want to see their faces when we tell them.
Although I don’t know for sure when you are due to arrive, it looks like it will be right around June 25, 2013—just like we last discussed. The same still holds true from what I’ve already told you: try and avoid July if at all possible due to conflicting birthdays. But try not to come any earlier than June 25th due to us possibly not being insured.
AH HA ... your Grandpa Scott is a Cancer!!! Very good sign; take it from me. They can put up with pretty much any personality type, even neurotic crazies; and they have this sometimes annoying way of "keeping everything in perspective", which is a trait that's actually very reassuring to those of us who need reminding to keep things in perspective. Yup, I like Cancers!
ReplyDeleteGrammyJudy