You, My Son, Are a Boy

You're a boy! And a hyperactive one at that. Your dad and I had been looking forward to January 23rd for this entire pregnancy. We're just not the type of people who could bear waiting to find out what you were. So we've been counting down the days for the last 18 weeks.

January 23rd (Wednesday) was the coldest day in Boston in over two years. My intent was to go to work that morning and then meet your dad at the doctor's office at 10:30. That morning while on the train, we were informed that there was a fire in the next subway station, and that our train could not back up into the previous subway station. As a result, all of us passengers were ordered to evacuate the train and walk a half mile through the deep, dark dungeon of a tunnel to safety. The tunnel was dripping wet and muddy, and it was hard to squeeze past the train and the wall. The only thing that really kept my mood up was knowing I would get to see your little face in a few short hours.

When I got back up above ground, there were no buses available to shuttle me to work. So I was forced to walk about 25 minutes to work in high heeled boots on--did I already mention this?--the coldest day in Boston in two years. Yet I was still able to remain fairly upbeat because I knew I got to see you soon.

When I finally arrived to work, frozen and sore, I saw that there was a voicemail on my phone. I was heartbroken to learn that our ultrasound tech came down with the flu (Boston is under a "health emergency" right now, due to this being the worst flu season ever) and our appointment would have to be rescheduled. However sad I was, your dad was that much sadder.

Fortunately we were able to get an appointment for the following day. Almost immediately we were told that you were a little boy, and your dad and I both became so excited. We really both believed you were a boy, and had inadvertently attached to that for the last several months.

I must say however, that you were ill behaved during the ultrasound. You would not hold still. No seriously, you would not hold still. The ultrasound tech was becoming frustrated with you, because she couldn't get the measurements for your brain and kidneys, etc. She asked if I had had a cup of coffee that morning and I said I hadn't, but it occurred to me that I had downed a cup of hot chocolate and that you were probably bouncing off my uterine walls from a sugar high.

At one point you were sucking your thumb, and I asked her if that meant you were settling down a bit. She said that for most babies it does mean that, but that you were apparently quite gifted at both sucking your thumb and flopping all about. Mama's little multi-tasker...

For the most part everything about you checked out just fine, minus one small glitch. The doctor came in to talk to us about a little calcium deposit located in your heart, called an Ethogenic Focus. He assured us that it would go away and that your heart was very healthy and strong. But he did say that this little calcium deposit was one of several indicators for Downs Syndrome.

He said that the vast majority of babies who have this calcium deposit do not have Downs, but that 30% of babies who have Downs have this calcium deposit. He showed us my blood work that I took several weeks ago and said that before today, we had a 1 in 10,000 chance of having a Downs baby. But after today our odds increased to 1 in 5,000. He assured us that every other factor they look for was not present in you, such as bone length, neck thickness, the bridge of your nose, etc. We were kind of surprised to be getting this talk because of all the things we were bracing ourselves for, this was not one of them. At first I was shocked and worried, but overtime I've gotten over it. 

So on Monday I will go take a more specialized blood test to see if we can get some further answers. But neither your dad or I are worried and here is why: it won't matter.

I wish for you to be a healthy little boy, and want nothing more than for you to be born with the ability and capacity to everything you ever wanted to do. But above all else, I want for you to be a happy little boy.

When your dad and I signed up to have kids, we knew that we were signing up for a whole host of unknowns and things we can never control. If you have Downs Syndrome I will be sad for some reasons, but not for the important reasons. Mostly I will be happy that you are finally here, and that you were born into a family who will love you and cherish everything about you.

And if you don't have Downs Syndrome (which we're all but sure you don't) I'm sure you'll come with several other surprises of your own down the road which will be new and scary challenges as well. I have heard some rumors that kids come with their own agendas and challenges, and that if it's not one thing it will be another. 

Hopefully we'll have some answers in the next couple of weeks, but for now we're pretty sure that everything will check out just fine. Your dad is looking into Red Sox onesies and "I Love Chemistry" onesies, so you'll be completely set in the wardrobe department.

Love you Little Man.