Four Days Past Due and Still Waiting...

You are four days overdue. We went to the doctor this morning and he said that there is still virtually no evidence that you are motivated to come out anytime soon. Thus you’ve left us with no choice…we’ll be taking you by force on July 1^st. We never wanted it to go down this way, but you are turning out to be one stubborn little boy. That, or you inherited your mother’s inability to navigate direction and you can’t tell which way is up and which way is down. If it’s the latter, I feel bad for giving you such a hard time because you are in for a lifetime of being completely lost, even with a GPS. Regardless, it looks like you will probably be born in July. I hope you’re cool with a ruby birthstone and the astrological sign of Cancer.

They have scheduled an induction for 6:00 AM on July 1^st. The doctor said that just because we induce on that day, doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be born on the 1^st. For all we know you may be able to ride this gravy train for another two days after the induction. When I asked your dad if he was at all sad or concerned about spending potentially several days in the hospital, he responded that his primary concern was that he would run out of snacks. So we’re going to the grocery store this weekend to make sure that your dad has plenty to eat while my body is being poked, prodded, and pumped full of chemicals designed specifically to bring on excruciating pain as quickly and intensely as possible.  We wouldn’t want him to be at all uncomfortable during that process.

We got another ultrasound on Monday, and they estimated that as of then you were nine pounds, one ounce. They project you will probably put on another half-pound before you’re born, so that will be fun…for the both of us. I was one week late and nine pounds, 8 ounces, so it looks like you’re already taking after me in so many ways.

It’s kind of exhausting to wake up each morning with the thought of “will my life change forever today?” and to end each night with thoughts of “will my life change forever tomorrow?”  All told though, our stress levels are relatively intact given the very real fact that one way or another, very soon, our lives are indeed going to change forever. Actually, I think your dad is more stressed than he leads onto, but that stress has manifested itself through an ongoing war that he was waged with the cockroaches in our apartment.

Our new apartment has a bit of a cockroach problem. We had the exterminators come in, but they didn’t do much other than lay a bunch of traps on the floors. So your dad has spent hours upon hours on his hands and knees plugging every hole and crevice that he can see. He has sealed off all the doors and rinses out the drains nightly. And while the problem has certainly decipated, every time he sees one of those roaches (which is still about once a day) his eyes begin to twitch and he goes a little bit crazy. He spends a great deal of time reading up on roach psychology online, and is inventing his own patented roach poison in lab…which despite his protests I will NOT be allowing in our house, but kudos to him for trying I guess. At night he dreams about roaches, and gets up several times to see if there are any on the floor. I always know when he sees one because I hear what sounds like a fist fight with a bear followed by a diatribe of words you will never be allowed to say. Not to be too psychoanalytical or anything, but I kind of think that your dad feels like if he can control the roaches, that will make up for the loss of control he feels with this whole “you being born” thing.

Anyway, we are ready for you to come. The second my due date passed, I got the distinct impression that I make people uncomfortable. Your dad likened it to a Jack in the Box toy. Everyone is on edge as the handle cranks and the little tune continues to play “all around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel…” because at any given point, the box will explode when the weasel pops. The problem is that nobody knows when that weasel is going to pop, so all they can hope for is that it won't be on their shoes. 

Be born.