You, My Son, Are a Boy

You're a boy! And a hyperactive one at that. Your dad and I had been looking forward to January 23rd for this entire pregnancy. We're just not the type of people who could bear waiting to find out what you were. So we've been counting down the days for the last 18 weeks.

January 23rd (Wednesday) was the coldest day in Boston in over two years. My intent was to go to work that morning and then meet your dad at the doctor's office at 10:30. That morning while on the train, we were informed that there was a fire in the next subway station, and that our train could not back up into the previous subway station. As a result, all of us passengers were ordered to evacuate the train and walk a half mile through the deep, dark dungeon of a tunnel to safety. The tunnel was dripping wet and muddy, and it was hard to squeeze past the train and the wall. The only thing that really kept my mood up was knowing I would get to see your little face in a few short hours.

When I got back up above ground, there were no buses available to shuttle me to work. So I was forced to walk about 25 minutes to work in high heeled boots on--did I already mention this?--the coldest day in Boston in two years. Yet I was still able to remain fairly upbeat because I knew I got to see you soon.

When I finally arrived to work, frozen and sore, I saw that there was a voicemail on my phone. I was heartbroken to learn that our ultrasound tech came down with the flu (Boston is under a "health emergency" right now, due to this being the worst flu season ever) and our appointment would have to be rescheduled. However sad I was, your dad was that much sadder.

Fortunately we were able to get an appointment for the following day. Almost immediately we were told that you were a little boy, and your dad and I both became so excited. We really both believed you were a boy, and had inadvertently attached to that for the last several months.

I must say however, that you were ill behaved during the ultrasound. You would not hold still. No seriously, you would not hold still. The ultrasound tech was becoming frustrated with you, because she couldn't get the measurements for your brain and kidneys, etc. She asked if I had had a cup of coffee that morning and I said I hadn't, but it occurred to me that I had downed a cup of hot chocolate and that you were probably bouncing off my uterine walls from a sugar high.

At one point you were sucking your thumb, and I asked her if that meant you were settling down a bit. She said that for most babies it does mean that, but that you were apparently quite gifted at both sucking your thumb and flopping all about. Mama's little multi-tasker...

For the most part everything about you checked out just fine, minus one small glitch. The doctor came in to talk to us about a little calcium deposit located in your heart, called an Ethogenic Focus. He assured us that it would go away and that your heart was very healthy and strong. But he did say that this little calcium deposit was one of several indicators for Downs Syndrome.

He said that the vast majority of babies who have this calcium deposit do not have Downs, but that 30% of babies who have Downs have this calcium deposit. He showed us my blood work that I took several weeks ago and said that before today, we had a 1 in 10,000 chance of having a Downs baby. But after today our odds increased to 1 in 5,000. He assured us that every other factor they look for was not present in you, such as bone length, neck thickness, the bridge of your nose, etc. We were kind of surprised to be getting this talk because of all the things we were bracing ourselves for, this was not one of them. At first I was shocked and worried, but overtime I've gotten over it. 

So on Monday I will go take a more specialized blood test to see if we can get some further answers. But neither your dad or I are worried and here is why: it won't matter.

I wish for you to be a healthy little boy, and want nothing more than for you to be born with the ability and capacity to everything you ever wanted to do. But above all else, I want for you to be a happy little boy.

When your dad and I signed up to have kids, we knew that we were signing up for a whole host of unknowns and things we can never control. If you have Downs Syndrome I will be sad for some reasons, but not for the important reasons. Mostly I will be happy that you are finally here, and that you were born into a family who will love you and cherish everything about you.

And if you don't have Downs Syndrome (which we're all but sure you don't) I'm sure you'll come with several other surprises of your own down the road which will be new and scary challenges as well. I have heard some rumors that kids come with their own agendas and challenges, and that if it's not one thing it will be another. 

Hopefully we'll have some answers in the next couple of weeks, but for now we're pretty sure that everything will check out just fine. Your dad is looking into Red Sox onesies and "I Love Chemistry" onesies, so you'll be completely set in the wardrobe department.

Love you Little Man.

4 Months!

Well well well…look who decided to show up this month! We were wondering if you were going to make a grand showing of your existence anytime soon, and boy did you. In fact, you made your big debut quite literally overnight. Sunday night, January 6, 2013 to be exact.

 

I was fitting into my clothes quite comfortably all the way through our Christmas vacation in Idaho. People often remarked on how I just didn’t look pregnant at all. Then suddenly on Monday morning I put on my work pants and POW, they only buttoned if I was standing up, which meant I had to go that entire day at work sitting at my desk with my pants undone. On Tuesday I couldn’t even pretend to zip up my skirt, so on Tuesday night we made an emergency trip to Target for some cheap maternity clothes to tide me over until I hit that “definitely, definitely pregnant” phase here in the next few weeks. Your dad and I speculate that the cause of your sudden growth spurt is that you went a little overboard like we all do and put on a bunch of holiday weight. That explanation makes perfect sense, considering you are half Allen, half McNally.

 

Your dad is thrilled to see my expanding belly and can’t seem to take his eyes off me/you. It creeps me out a little, actually. Every time I walk into the room your dad does this full body scan thing with his eyes, and then holds out his hands which I have come to learn means “let me feel your stomach.” It’s weird, but also kind of cute. I’m also relatively certain that this novelty will wear off after you, and that your siblings won’t be subject to the same level of pre-natal groping. Way to take one for the team.  

 

As far as pregnancy symptoms go, I think you have some things backwards and I would like to address them now. The way it was supposed to work was that during the first trimester and first trimester only, I should have felt fatigued and lost my appetite. Then, in the second trimester I should have gotten a burst of energy and regained my voracious appetite. But you apparently dance to the beat of a different drum. I felt almost no symptoms whatsoever during the first 13 weeks of pregnancy, but during this 16^th week I’ve felt extremely tired, prone to dizziness, and absolutely disinterested in most foods—especially the foods that are good for us. As a result, we go to bed at about 9:00 PM each night, and eat far more crackers and pasta than we are supposed to. How about you work on reversing some of those things, and see what you can do about giving your mother that pregnant glow that I’m pretty sure I’m entitled to in exchange for me lending you my entire body for nine months.

 

I did fill you in on a little secret yesterday in the car though. Yesterday we had to take a two hour road trip for a work meeting in western Massachusetts. On the way home I stopped by McDonalds and fed us some much desired chicken nuggets and fries. I have tried to avoid that kind of food for the most part during this pregnancy, and have committed to limit fast food intake in my own children. But I told you yesterday that you can always rest assured that when you are on the road with your mom, you can expect McDonalds. It will be our little tradition…as long as you are being good.

 

And yes, I was actually telling you these things out loud in the car. I read that you have grown your ears this week and can start to hear my voice, and some sources even encourage me to speak out loud to you as often as possible. I felt weird doing it though, so I don’t think our special womb conversations will be a regular thing. I have no doubt in my mind whatsoever though that you will hear a lot of my voice in the next few months (and for the rest of your life). So I won’t spend too much time worrying that you won’t recognize me or my voice on your birthday.

Also, your dad believes I am growing a hairy baby, and I very much look forward to when you’re born and we can both prove him wrong. Lately I’ve been suffering from a case of the dramatic hiccups. I hiccup only about 4 or 5 times a day, but when I do the whole world can hear. I have also suffered from bouts of heartburn. Your dad read somewhere that these are symptoms of increased progesterone, high levels of which are indicative of significant fetal hair growth. While I like to imagine you growing a beautiful head of dark hair and long eyelashes, your dad envisions you resembling something similar to a fuzzy bear cub.

I am not growing a hairy baby. Right?

 

And that’s your four month update! I still can’t feel you move around in there, even though allegedly I should be able to. I’ve been warned that with me being a first time mom I probably won’t recognize your movements for another few weeks. It kind of bugs me that apparently I can technically feel you, but I just can’t differentiate you from other bodily sensations. I can’t wait for that day though, so hurry up.

Christmas 2012

This last week your dad and I celebrated Christmas back home in Idaho—the last Christmas we’ll ever have as a childless couple. While it was a wonderful Christmas (as all of them are), we confessed to each other that it felt right that it was our last without you. You probably won’t understand this concept for many, many more years, but after a while Christmas becomes a little less exciting the older you get. I think that many of us lose that sense of holiday magic once we grow up, and can’t get it back until we have kids of our own. But it was nice to have one more holiday with family, unencumbered by parenthood and other obligations. Next Christmas you’ll be about six months old, and while you won’t have any idea what Christmas is, you’ll be high maintenance nonetheless I’m sure.

That reminds me: when you do arrive and visit Nana and Grandpa Paul’s house, whatever you do, don’t fiddle with four little holes in their couch cushion. This last week Uncle Daniel’s dog bit into the cushion and left four tooth marks in the leather. Grandpa Paul said it wasn’t the tooth marks he was worried about, but rather your little fingers prying around in them and making them bigger. I resented that you were getting in trouble already at such a young age and for a crime you did not yet commit. So I think it would be best if you steered clear of the couch just to spite Grandpa and to prove to him that I am the most amazing mother with the most amazingly well behaved child ever.

Otherwise, our Christmas was spent with Grandpa Scott, Great Grams, some of Dad’s extended family, my family, and some of my extended family. I was reminded how many people you have to get to know in the next year—all of whom are very eager to meet you.

We still don’t know what the plan is for your dad’s doctorate and where we’ll be in the next several months. I’m not allowing myself to start freaking out about our lack of answers until at least February, and at that point I’ve begun to brace your father for an all-out panic attack.

You better hope that at some point we move closer to home, because after our adventure flying back to Boston I have pretty much sworn off holiday travel forever. Your dad and I were scheduled to take a midnight flight from Salt Lake to Boston on Tuesday. We arrived at the airport only to discover that our plane was delayed an hour due to mechanical problems. While waiting for the plane to arrive, I whispered to your dad that I had a bad feeling about this flight and that it might be canceled.

Eventually we were able to board, but we sat parked on the tarmac for a half hour and waited in line for the plane to get de-iced. After waiting another half hour while the plane actually got de-iced, the pilot came on and announced that the flight would have to be canceled since his co-pilot had apparently maxed out on his hours as per federal regulations. I turned to your dad and just said “told you so.” So we de-boarded the plane around 2:00 AM, stood in line to get our luggage, stood in line to book a flight for 9:50 AM the following day (or, rather, that same day) and took a shuttle to a hotel at 3:00 AM for about three hours of “sleep” until we had to wake back up and haul our butts back to the airport to do it all over again. Once we finally arrived at Logan the next night, we had to wait to de-board the plane for a military processional, and then we had to wait for about another hour to get our luggage due to the same processional.

All told it was about 36 hours of pure, unadulterated holiday travel and I am BURNT OUT. It could have been worse, I suppose. There were several families on our plane with small children. I imagined how hard it would have been if you were here and we had to go through all the pain and torture of getting you on and off an airplane, to a hotel, and back on and then off an airplane again all in one night. Even though I technically had a child with me, you were pretty manageable and it was me who was most prone to throwing a child-like fit.

3 Month Baby Bump

This is my 3 month bump. At first we didn't think there was one, but after comparing them to the other two, if nothing else...I'm thickening.

The last post was a picture of you from the inside, and here’s the most recent picture of you from the outside. Still not a lot of progress on the bump front. The only thing you see here is a burger bump, as your dad and I had just eaten some hamburgers about 15 minutes before this picture was taken.

Your dad is very, very eager for me to start showing. Yesterday we did some shopping and snooped around a maternity store just to see what there was. There was another couple who was shopping in there, and we overheard her tell the sales associate that she was 9 weeks along and already growing out of her clothes. Your dad looked at me accusatorily like I was intentionally concealing you from him.

I assume you’ll start to make more of an outward appearance at your 4 month photo shoot. Personally I’m not quite as eager to grow out of my clothes as your father apparently is, but it will be nice to feel more connected to you physically.

And now, a message from your dad:

Your mom is hogging you.  I haven’t had a chance to hang out with you…just you and me yet.  I’ve asked your mom to at least grow a baby bump so that I can know where you’re at, but she only grows burrito bumps and cheese bumps.  I just want you to know that I’m doing anything I can to keep you safe and grow you good.  I make your mom eat green smoothies every morning that I make for you (her).  I scramble you (her) an egg every morning.  I’ve forbidden her to drink energy drinks and I’ve been unwilling to allow her to engage in her recent ‘unpasteurized cheese-martinis’ cravings.  So far though, I’ve been really proud of you.  You’ve been really good to your mom.  I think that you may be pretty easy going and laid back, so you’re going to fit right in.  You’re pretty awesome.

 

Love,

Dad

Hi, this is your mom again. Your dad only makes green smoothies and eggs about three times a week.

12 Week Ultrasound

 This is you laying down, trying to suck your thumb. You are so talented...just try not to do that when you go to kindergarten.

 

 Not the greatest picture--but if you look closely enough you can see a little leg and foot in the top left corner. It's too early to tell whether you've inherited my cankles, but it doesn't look good so far.

 

This is you stretching out your legs as far as they can go.

On Monday we took you to your second ultrasound appointment. Medically, this was an appointment for us to check you out for certain birth defects, but mostly your dad and I just wanted a chance to see your little growing body again. You did great. You seemed to be eager to show us what you’ve been up to these last few weeks. Mostly you’ve done a lot of growing, and you’ve learned a couple of tricks. You are able to almost suck your thumb, and you can do barrel rolls almost on command. I imagine that you probably teach yourself these things during those long afternoons while we’re at work and I’m just sitting at my desk for hours. It probably gets pretty boring in there…

The only thing you aren’t able to do is follow instructions very well, as the ultrasound tech really needed you to turn over onto your back so she could check you out, but you were more interested in looking directly at the camera and checking us out.  

You did ultimately decide to cooperate, and so far everything looks great. It looks like you are perfectly capable of growing yourself up quite nicely.

It’s surreal for me to watch you toss and turn on the monitor—knowing that you’re doing that inside of me, but not being able to actually feel any of it. And I’m not sure what I like doing more…watching you on the screen, or watching your dad watch you on the screen. Dad loves these ultrasounds. It’s the only time he gets to see you and feel like he’s a part of you. Of course he thinks you are particularly advanced for your age. We are both pretty sure that the ultrasound tech thinks you are the cutest and smartest 12 week old fetus that she’s ever seen, but I think it would break some hospital rules for her to tell us that. But we know.

Unfortunately I don’t think that we will get to see you again until your 20 week appointment in late January. That’s when we’ll learn whether you are a he or a she, and most importantly, we’ll hopefully learn that you are still on track to join our family healthy and happy in late June 2013.

11 Weeks and a Talk About Heritage

Right now you are 11 weeks along, and are the size of a walnut, or a fig, depending on who you ask. You continue to be incredibly low maintenance which I am so grateful for. While morning sickness continues to be a non-issue, you are a little persnickety when it comes to food preferences. Last week all I wanted was a turkey sandwich, but this week the thought of meat is pretty unappealing. A couple of weeks ago peppers were off my list forever, but these last couple of weeks I’ve been inhaling salsa faster than I usually do—which is remarkable. The only consistency is that salty things remain high on my list of priorities, whereas sweet things like candy are less important (of course, as I type these very words I have a piece of candy in my mouth).

I am currently taking bets for determining when you’ll be born, what your gender is, etc. I will post them once the results are in for record keeping sake. But for now, your aunt Shay thinks you’re a girl. She directed us to a Chinese Gender Chart, which remarkably has been accurate for all four of your cousins so far. According to the chart, if we calculate it by your estimated conception date, you are a boy. But if we calculate it by your estimated due date, you are a girl. So if nothing else, at least we know you’ll either be a girl or a boy. Your Great Grandpa Allen thinks you are a boy, given that men out number women significantly on the Allen side of things.

Duchess Kate announced today that she is pregnant as well. I don’t know how far along she is, but regardless she’s kind of stolen my thunder. My guess is that you’ll be born within weeks of her royal heir. The reason I bring this up is because now would be a good time to let you know that you are technically an heir to the throne too—just an illegitimate one. You are a descendant of King George III, but unfortunately for you (and me) we descend from the wrong line. Over the course of your life you will learn that there are ample places in our genealogy where we were SO CLOSE to vast wealth and/or royalty, but just missed the boat by a nose hair. You will hear these stories a lot as you grow up, because I lament about them loudly all the time.

As you continuously double in size over the next 28 weeks or so, and your DNA strands continue to connect and your inherited traits slowly begin to unfold and reveal themselves, there are some things to think about regarding where all of this data is coming from.

One, is that you are extremely American. You have ancestors that came over from England on the Mayflower (you’ll learn what the Mayflower is later on), which means that our people were the first Europeans to settle this country hundreds and hundreds of years ago. One interesting note is that while your family is spread out from Coast-to-Coast and even across the world right now, many of your relatives settled Carver, Massachusetts--a town your Idahoan mother visits frequently for work.

Anyway, you’re last name is Irish. There is some confusion as to whether you actually have much in the way of Irish roots from your father’s side however, as the first McNally in our family was apparently adopted and people are unsure whether he actually came from Ireland, Scotland, or somewhere else. You have a lot of English in you, a lot of German, some Dutch, and even some Transylvanian. You have a strong Mormon lineage. In fact, some of your ancestors traveled for years across the plains in handcarts to flee from religious persecution back in the 1800’s. One of your more notable ancestors moved from Maine to Kansas in the wake of the Civil War, and allowed the Underground Railroad to run beneath his home for years.

If you are anything like me, you might find your ancestry to be less than thrilling one day. After all, our families are pretty much just an amalgamation of American, English and German with a few others mixed in. But this summer your dad and I had the opportunity to visit both England and Germany and for the first time I realized just how stunning it is to derive so heavily from these countries. One day I will take you there too so you can discover this for yourself.

When you’re in school and you start to learn about medieval Europe, keep in mind that those are your ancestors—the ones with the swords and the braids and the Renaissance fairs and the castles. And when you start to learn about the first Thanksgiving and the puritans, remember that those are your people too. When you learn about the Native Americans, keep in mind that you have Native American ancestry on both Grandpa Paul’s line and Nana’s line. Remember that in this country, your ancestors settled the East, the Mid-west, and eventually the West. You have ancestors that fought in the Revolution, the Civil War, the World Wars, the Iraq/Afghanistan wars, and probably even more. You have ancestors that were cowboys and sheep herders and farmers and artists and musicians and settlers and soldiers and scientists. And most significantly, always remember that one of your ancestors was a Count in Transylvania—which might make you part vampire. Time will only tell on that one. 

It is so wonderful to imagine all of these traits pouring into your walnut-sized self as we speak (the vampire thing makes me a little nervous, but hopefully if you are part vampire you’ll be one of the good ones, like Edward in Twilight). So often people think about what color their baby’s eyes will be or how much hair it will have or how tall it will grow. But to me it’s more fun to think about how all of these familial influences will impact your mind and your personality and your potential in life. You have a vast pool of resources to draw upon, so my only hope for you is that you’ll make your mark on our family tree one day, much like so many of your ancestors already have.

Welcome!

Welcome to the newest chapter of our lives...

Love, 

Challis & Josh